Thursday, September 2, 2010

Dippin', Rubbin', Chewin'...Whatever You Call It

A few years ago, my wife and I went to visit her grandma in the hospital.  On the way back we stopped at a Wendy's to eat, (I treat my women to only the fanciest of restaurants, but White Castle was closed).  After our fine dining experience, we hopped in the car and, like always, I popped dessert in my mouth.  That's what I call a big pinch of dip in my lower lip.  I started to pour out a water bottle I had just bought and my wife, the penny pincher she is, scolded me and said to spit in my Wendy's cup instead and to save the water that had been sitting in the sun for 30 minutes.  Since I couldn't argue with her logic, I agreed.  Fast forward about an hour into the wife wakes up from her after lunch nap and decides she's thirsty.  She reaches over and grabs her my Wendy's cup and takes a BIG OLE SWALLER!  Needless to say, the rest of the car ride home was a one sided conversation consisting of "I'm so sorry!"" repeated over and over.  Oh yeah, and she punched me in the arm alot too...

Now you would think that after that pleasant little episode I would have tossed out that can of chew with my newly bruised arm, but I still kept on dippin'.  In fact, I'm typing this thing out with one in my mouth...

I know, I know...irresistible, ain't I???

I know that GOODe Ole Boys, rednecks, hicks and hillbillies alike find chewing to be a favorite past time right next to corn hole and pigeon hunts, but I've also seen alot of them fellers missing teeth, as well as lips, whole faces, and even their lives on account of a little bitty chewed up leaf.  I don't want that to be me...neither does the love of my life or Miss Add.

I've tried Chantix and the side effects of that stuff was lovely, lemme tell ya!  The box said that it may make you want to kill yerself...but not me.  I just wanted to kill other people!  I figure that ain't such a good idea.

So, got any suggestions on how this GOODe Ole Boy can get the bulge out of his lip for good???


  1. If you get a good way to quit, fill my hubby in with how you did it. We haven't kissed in years because of his nasty habit.

  2. If I find the way to quit, I'll sure letcha know! I just couldn't imagine not kissing him...I mean you not kissing him, not me. That would totally strain our relationship, I'm sure...


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